DestinyFF: Backseat Guardians
by Calibuur
Summary: This story tells the tale of a group of guardians known together as a clan called "Backseat Guardians" AKA the world's dumbest clan. Follow them as their mission assigns them to terminate a Cabal Warship designed after the Dreadnaught weapon that eliminated the awoken army. And many mission more after.
1. Lets skip to the good part! Log1-1

PROLOGUE INTRODUCTION

 _Narration by Plat-0 in a serious tone voice_

[PLAT-0]:

Soldiers. Warriors. The living dead. All of the above. These are what are rumored by humanity to be the shields of earth.

[GELOS]:

Really? I heard it was Batm-

[PLAT-0]:

 **Guardians are protectors** ; Reanimated by ghosts, small

creatures spawned by the traveler's light to accompany them to battle against Evil. And the Darkness; Pure Evil, that consumes all light and-

[GELOS]:

takes... candy from... babies, and turns off the alarm when you need to go to work by 9 am and you're already 20 minutes late and Blah blah blah and make an intro boring Yadda yadda yadda.

[PLAT-0]:

 **GELOS-**

[GELOS]:

Yo, P, I'm really happy for you, and I'mma let you finish...But how about we skip to the best part of the story?

* * *

 _PART 1 OF CHAPTER 1_

 _Plat-0, Iron Lord John, and Gelos-ILC are standing in front of a centurion door preparing to breach for hostile clearance._

[PLAT-0]:

This is the place. I'm reading tango on my radar.

[JOHN ]:

Acknowledged. Preparing to breach.

 _John attaches a exploding device to the door. The device reads numbers counting down._

[JOHN ]:

T-minus 30 seconds till detonation.

[GELOS]:

So how are we going to "Knock"?

[PLAT-0]:

What?

[GELOS]:

I was thinking of yelling surprise but that's to boring.

[PLAT-0]:

Stop.

[GELOS]:

WAIT WAIT- what about " **KNOCK, KNOCK**

 **ITS KNUCKLES!** "

[PLAT-0]:

 **STOP.**

[JOHN ]:

T-minus 12 seconds.

[GELOS]:

OH! Can we break into song?!

[PLAT-0 & ] :

NO!

[GELOS]:

I'm get to pick the song!

[PLAT-0]:

I thought we said no-

[ JOHN]:

Can't stop him now. T-minus 5. Get clear!

[GELOS]:

Crayola, play the Astro Lounge album. 5th track. At the very last second.

[CRAYOLA(G)]:

 _sigh_ Dumbass. Track standing by.

[ JOHN]:

MINUS 1

[GELOS]:

SOME-


	2. Making our own exit Log1-2

**LOG 1 PART 2**

 _Plat-0, Iron Lord John McClintock, and Gelos-ILC had finished eliminating hostile threats on board a cabal carrier ship, inside the main cabin. The guardians holster_

 _their weapons and recollect themselves. Gelos sings into his closed fist along with the ending of the song "All-Star" by Smash Mouth._

GELOS:

Only shooting stars break the mooouuuuooooold.

 _John looks around and evaluates the area, triple checking his radar._

JOHN:

All hostiles Neutralized.

PLAT-0:

Nova.

NOVA(G):

Understood.

 _Nova scans the Cabal's computer systems._

JOHN:

Sending mission status to Vanguard Central Tower.

GELOS:

Tell Myke I said hi!

JOHN:

No.

 _Plat-0 looks across the deck window at the neighboring cabal ship._

PLAT-0:

That ship looks... Familiar.

 _Gelos and John turn their heads to the same direction._

GELOS:

That looks like... A really big ship.

JOHN:

Well... Green. Big. Giant cannons.

Looks like a cabal ship. What's new?

PLAT-0:

Nova. Begin Analysis on that Cabal ship outside.

Compare it to other Cabal ships and technology.

NOVA(G):

Anomaly detected.

It seems that the during the Taken War, the Cabal studied Oryx's Dreadnaught... are these...?

GELOS:

Is it midterm week already?

NOVA(G):

...N-no. This is extensive research on the Cabal's the cabal be duplicating the dreadnaught's ultimate weapon

PLAT-0:

Their usual tactics are to "Shoot first, and ask Questions later."

To see them studying the Dreadnaught and to copy it's weapon...

 _The ship begins to turn away, then disappears in a flash of light._

PLAT.0:

They're ...gone. It's not like the Cabal to retreat either.

 _An Alarm begins to flood the ship, accompanied by flashing red lights._

NOVA(G):

Warning. The Cabal have activated this ship's self-destruct sequence.

T-Minus 2 minutes till detonation.

GELOS:

2 minutes. Who do they think we are, amateurs?

NOVA(G):

The Cabal have sped up the self-destruct sequence. T-minus 1

minute.

GELOS:

Welp. Gotta admire their determination.

PLAT-0:

We've no time to waste. We have to find an exit, and fast.

 _John begins examining the metal walls. He begins knocking on one side of the wall._

JOHN:

Wolf, bring our ships to this

location.

WOLF(G):

Yes, My Lord.

JOHN:

We can breach this wall.

Make our own exit.

PLAT-0:

Good thinking. Nova, Status.

NOVA(G):

All data received and sent to the Vanguard Center.

I think they'll find this blueprint pretty familiar.

PLAT.0:

Brief us on evac. Let's leave, Guardians.

GELOS:

Can we leave in Slo-Mo?

JOHN:

Breach Minus 5 seconds. Clear!

 _Explosion detonates on the wall breaching a hole. Smoke clears, revealing 3 ships approaching the breach._

NOVA(G):

T-Minus 10 seconds till Self-destruct.

 _P &J dissolve into light particles flowing into their respective ships. Gelos can be seen behind what is now a giant hole, running in slow motion. The Countdown from 10 can be heard over the ship's loudspeaker._

GELOS:

Gooooo oooooon wiiiittth-

Plat-0 & JOHN:

 **GELOS!**

GELOS:

Coming~!

 _Gelos transports into his ship. Plat-0, John, and Gelos hyperdrive away from the cabal ship, leaving an explosion on a near planetary scale. The 3 guardians journey back home._


End file.
